I have habit of creating lists, enumerating puns related a certain topic (often when I’ve drank a bit too much—there are worse things to do). I’ve included some of the more family-friendly ones below. If you have additional suggestions, please let me know.

## Nominative determinism

*(i.e. names of people that are appropriate for their profession)*

- Andy Man (Handyman)
- Mike Czech (Audio Engineer)
- Eddy Bull (Caterer)
- Annie Seedball (Confectioner)
- W.E. Scratchit (Mover)
- Aaron Farr (Athlete)
- Annie D. Brake (Bus Operator)
- W. C. Plugg & P Trapp (Plumbers)
- Ben Dover (Gardener)
- Terry Bull (Interior Decorators)
- D. Carb (Car repair)
- Tutts (Art collector)
- Sue Yu (Lawyer)
- Dee Sharp (Music Teacher)

## Hairdresser names

- Headmasters
- Sherlock Combs
- Curl Up and Dye
- I’ll Cut You
- Jack the Clipper
- Hair We Go
- Jack of All Fades
- Scissor Sisters
- Deja Du
- Hair Force One
- Snip Inn
- Head Office
- Fringe Benefits
- Headlines

## Mathematical pickup lines

- Are you the group of all invertible point-preserving transformations because you’re affine?
- Are you an angle less than 90° because you’re acute-y?
- Is the sum of your proper factors equal to your value because you’re perfect?
- You must be the square root of -1 because you can’t be real
- The derivative of my love for you is zero because it’s constant
- If I were sin²(x) then you’d be cos²(x) because together we’re one
- How can I know so many digits of pi but not the digits of your phone number?
- You are one well-defined function
- Meeting you was like a switch from cartesian to polar coordinates: complex and imaginary things are suddenly given a magnitude and a direction
- You have nicer legs than an isosceles triangle
- Our love is like dividing by zero; you can’t define it
- Can I get your seven significant digits?
- You must be the reciprocal of cos(c) because you’re sexy
- My love for you is like a concave function’s positive first derivative because it’s always increasing
- I’ve got your prior here. How about you give me your likelihood so I get to know your posterior
- Do you use Metropolis-Hastings? Because I have a proposal you’ll accept with probability 1
- Is your p-value greater than alpha because I’d always fail to reject you?
- At absolute zero you would still move me

## Benedict Cumberbatch’s name in a parallel universe

- Wimbledon Tennismatch
- Buffalo Custardbath
- Benadryl Slumbercatch
- Cucumber Cabbagepatch
- Bumblebee Bandersnatch
- Breadmachine Pumpkinpatch
- Buckingham Football-match

## Inappropriate songs for hospital department waiting rooms

**Intensive Care**

- Staying Alive, Bee Gees
- I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
- For Survival, Vulfpeck

**Respiratory**

- Every Breath You Take, The Police
- Still Breathing, Green Day
- Harder to Breath, Maroon 5
- Lose My Breath, Destiny’s Child
- Barely Breathing, Duncan Sheik
- Keep Breathing, Ingrid Michaelson
- It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing, Shania Twain
- My Last Breath, Evanescence

**Cardiology**

- My Heart Skips a Beat, Olly Murs
- I Skip a Heartbeat, Scouting for Girls
- Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton
- Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, Elton John